My liver just broke up with me...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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