I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
