so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
