I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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