for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
