I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
