Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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