god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
