so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
