come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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