Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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