maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
