I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
