He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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