your parents love me but you hate me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
