Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
