Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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