wakey wakey hands off snakey
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize