I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
