I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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