You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
