we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
