Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
