I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
