Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
