My hand turned me down
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
