dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
