i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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