she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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