I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
