Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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