What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
