that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
