Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
