If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have already put on my inside pants.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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