I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dignity is for republicans.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
