My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize