Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
