how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
