wrigley field is MILF paradise
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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