woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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