News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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