i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just invented taco cereal.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
