note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
