I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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