the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
