I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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