I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
