we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
high people should be assigned attendants
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
me + whiskey = a bad person
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
