you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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