Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
