You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
