if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
