I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
