remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Congratulations! We have a period
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