how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
