I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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