i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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