I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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