did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
