if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
