Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
