what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
