I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
