The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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