god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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