It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
